Breathing Through the Journey

Buckle up — I’m about to get real and have a well-deserved vent session, because this past week SUCKED.

One thing I wasn’t fully prepared for?
Having a non-hormonal IUD and dealing with ovarian cysts at the same time.

Talk about pain. UGH.

Honestly? I’d take my “hell week” pain over this cramping any day. To each their own — but this kind of pain hits differently.

For those who are new here, I was diagnosed with IPAH in December. At the time, I was too sick to safely continue my pregnancy and had to make the devastating decision to terminate. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced.

Then came the mental and emotional weight of realizing I couldn’t carry a baby the way I had envisioned. That motherhood would look different for me. That my body — the one I trusted — now had limits.

And on top of that, I couldn’t continue living “all natural” the way I preferred. Pregnancy is not safe for me now. It’s not a risk we can take. So I was faced with a decision.

The decision was the non-hormonal IUD.

Right now? My first honest thought is regret.

I know it’s protecting me. I know it’s necessary. I know it’s benefiting my health long-term. But in this moment? I hate it.

They say the first few months are your body “adjusting.”
Apparently adjusting means spotting, heavier flows, and random, intense cramping.

Sorry for the TMI — but this is my reality.

To the women who deal with this type of cramping every cycle: you are warriors. Truly. Because I would rather go through hell week again than feel this kind of pain.

The cramps are unpredictable. The only thing that helps is a heating pad. Thank God every episode so far has hit when I’m already home. Because when it comes on, it takes me out. Curled up. Can’t think. Can’t focus. Just breathing through it.

Sunday and Monday were rough. Tuesday? Nothing.
Thursday I thought I was in the clear — until 3pm hit.

CRAMPS.

And ever since then, it’s like clockwork. Around 3pm, it starts. And it derails everything.

At first, I thought maybe it was my cysts shrinking or a minor rupture. But my provider said it’s most likely the IUD and that it should improve.

Should.

I hope so. Because lately, I feel like I can’t catch a break. The second I start to feel okay — something else flares up. One thing after another. It’s exhausting.

I don’t know how long this part will last. I’m hoping sooner rather than later. I’m tired of this piece of the journey interrupting my peace.

But then my Gramz said something to me. She said “Keep going. Stay fierce”.

And I needed that.

So here we go.
Still battling.
Still breathing.
One fierce breath at a time.